THE BEST POSITION E-V-E-R

The Moving Jungle…

For over 80% of my readers, I know your minds have done all the filming, your eyes wider and your mouths salivating! *smh*

This is real life, pure and undiluted and you need to take note.

If you didn’t know, a normal danfo has about 3 rows of iron and wood construction (chairs) that should comfortably seat 12 average-sized adults. (Sometimes, you can find about 18 -20 people in 1 bus due to ingenuity called lapping!) In front, beside the driver, depending on the design of the bus, should seat 1 or 2 regular-sized adults. All these people put together, pay a certain amount of money to experience some level of inconvenience that is only synonymous with this moving mechanism.

Below you’ll find 3 distinct seating arrangements that determine how well you can enjoy your hard-earned money and scarce time:

1.      LEFT WINDOW (behind the driver):

Title: King of the Jungle

Responsibilities/Advantages:

a.      You determine the size of buttocks that occupy the next 3 positions. Huge responsibility, I tell you!

b.      You’re in charge of the window (if any) and can control of the amount of air that comes in.

c.       You can buy whatever you want without crossing over people’s heads.

d.     You’re almost free from the pressure of other human bodies and odours, especially.

e.      You’re afforded the privilege of various views: the blazing sun, someone “doing his business” in the swamps, the number of meat in someone’s pot…etc

f.        With the wind in your face, you are totally oblivious to happenings around you.

Disadvantages

a.      You’re expected to make all the necessary adjustments to accommodate all body sizes.

b.      You’re at the risk of losing your sight to zealous hawkers.

c.       If the driver decides to “clear his throat”, you might be at the receiving end.

d.     If it rains, you can choose to alight at the very next stop.

e.      Alighting at any stop before the very last bus stop, will draw hisses and insults, as you’ll literally be stepping on toes.

f.        In the event of an accident (tufiakwa!) you bear a greater part of the injury.

2.      MIDDLE

Title: Captain of the Jungle.

Responsibilities/Advantages

a.      You’re next in command, determining whose butt fits in next!

b.      You have been provided pillows to cushion your head to the left and right.

c.       This is the only chance you get to order the “king” to buy you anything.

Disadvantages

a.      If the “king” decides not to “shift”, you’ll be most uncomfortable for the entire journey.

b.      If the sleep overtakes you, you might receive a very rude awakening – a jab to your ribs!

c.       In the absence of a conductor, you’re responsible for passing all the “collection” to the driver.

3.      RIGHT WINDOW

Title: Keeper of the Jungle.

Responsibilities/Advantages:

1. Need I say more; you have your job cut out just for you!

Disadvantages

a.      In the absence of the conductor you become the ‘acting conductor’: an indicator when the driver wishes to turn off to the right…”owa l’egbe e!”

b.      If the “king” refuses to shift, you are at risk of falling into the lagoon.

c.       You have a privileged view of the conductor’s unwashed boxers and armpit.

d.     Prepare to “back” the conductor when he decides to shut what’s left of the door.

e.      You also risk having your finger(s) caught when the door in front is shut. Ouch!

f.        You’re equally responsible for holding up rain else you’ll hold up the nylon that will protect the rest of the passengers!

This is the real deal: there’s no BEST position!

1.      From embarking to alighting, all na struggle…na wetin sef?! Everyone is in a hurry but have you noticed that no one is too much in a hurry to alight half-way to jog the rest of the distance!

2.      Consciously or unconsciously we all look for the nearest, most solid-looking thing to hold on to for dear life, thus forming our belief in something, anything to get us there.

3.      We’ve all made sacrifices (time and money) and you must see the end-result.

4.      We preoccupy ourselves reading or listening to music to block out the droning engines and blaring horns but we never forget where we’re headed.

5.      When and how you alight depends entirely on you; on one or both feet, wait till the vehicle draws to a full stop…your travails are not forever.

6.      Whatever ‘title’ you hold, na for your pocket o; we’re all dust, in the same world, heading in a direction (as you choose). While where you are presently, may not be all that to you, to someone else, you’re “reigning”.

7.      You determine who you allow influence.

8.      If at every curve, twist, turn and pothole your butt is almost sliding off the space allotted you, you’ve been shifted off course, request (pray) others to shift and adjust yourself sharply. It’s rare for anyone to reach out to help and steady you; it’s a JUNGLE!

Always remember that we’re all in this together, (if you like drive a BENTLEY); we’ll experience flats (where the tires are not flying off altogether) sometimes quietly, sometimes with a bang, we’ll lose our brakes and shock-absorbers, run out of oil and gas, get engulfed by the fumes from the exhaust, red flags on the dashboard (if any)…interruptions here and there, now and then, but more than ever, you just want to get it done and over with. It may even cough, grunt and grind to a complete halt and you have to hop into another even worse; just DON’T STOP before your bus stop! There’ll be scrapes and torn ‘Sunday bests’. Shrug it off; it’s one of those things.

Whatever you’re seeing from whatever position you are, it’s fleeting. What you SEE is your final bus stop.

Smile and stay grateful! Whatever side you’re on and whatever you’re privileged to view, gratitude is key. No position offers us complete satisfaction without the downside so, if you’re prone to envying others, always remember that the grass is not necessarily greener on the other side; the present occupant made it look that attractive or you need to have your eyes checked immediately!

To you, whether life is a battle-field, a play ground or a jungle, take a Boys’ Scout stance because…

The journey of a thousand bumps and turns begins with a danfo-jungle ride!!!

*Ephesians 6: 13 -18

WHO IS A SUCCESSFUL PROFESSIONAL?

A LESSON OR TWO FROM THE DANFO DRIVER…

I am not about to hand down tips and nuggets on HOW you should perform your duties and responsibilities (you’ve been there so long because you do, anyways, otherwise, your juju dey work!) but below, you’ll find (more/some) qualities you might want to refine, re-define, adopt or discard, all together.

A professional danfo driver possesses the following outstanding (and astounding!) qualities:

ü  He starts his bus without a manual or visible key in the ignition – INNOVATIVE.

ü  He’s the driver, owner, conductor and mechanic of the bus – MULTITASKING.

ü  With 1 hour - 10 hours experience, he can drive any moving contraption (BRT, keke, molue, your car etc) – EXPERIENCED and SKILLFUL.

ü  He appears unkempt, unwashed and generally untidy, ready for eventualities (fight or flight) – SMART.

ü  With his side and rare-view mirror broken, facing inwards or non-existent he easily shunts between lanes and manipulates his way between cars without scrapes or bruises – FLEXIBLE.

ü  His hand is permanently on the horn which serves both as a warning and as music – CREATIVE.

ü  He knows his right of “one way” and uses it – DISCRETION.

ü  Holds up traffic to pick up or drop off passengers – RESOURCEFUL.

ü  To your queries and inquiries, he can decide to answer you roughly, nicely or outrightly ignore you – RESPONSIVE.

ü  He knows every ‘short cut’ and uses them – INITIATIVE/KNOWLEDGEABLE.

ü  He’s fluent with invectives – EXCELLENT COMMUNICATION SKILL.

ü  He is his brother’s keeper – TEAM PLAYER.

ü  He’s always full of, and ready with apologies for his misdemeanors (and are they many!) but not without first cursing (you) under his breath, and arguing – RESPONSIBLE.

ü  He knows every LASTMA official and how to avoid the Police (if need be!) – DISCERNING.

ü  He can personally bundle you into his waiting vehicle – PASSION.

ü  Gets you to your destination, not necessarily in one piece, but alive– SUCCESSFUL.

ü  ETC ETC ETC

I could go on and on because they have become a very significant part of my career-life. As a driver you might be tempted to attempt these stunts. DON’T! (Well, except of course, you wake up every day to a cocktail of herbs, roots, and local gin = PARAGA!) Being like them is not for the ‘regular guy’ because there’s nothing simple about it – they got there by constant practice!

And that is what being a professional is all about - constant practice: it takes careful thought and deliberate effort, and has little to do with what you learnt within the four walls of a classroom in front of a blackboard.

You see, I’ve always admired any girl who worked as a concierge. (The not-so-nice ones got a dose of my ‘bad eye’ with a”No be me do you o!” thought running through my mind!)

When I got the opportunity to fill this position, I understood better. It was exciting – an opportunity to meet all classes (and characters) of people, show a beautiful face accompanied by a disarming smile…literally sit pretty! Big deal. My professionalism is tested every minute by being polite over the phone (letting my voice smile, biting and loosing the tongue as occasion demanded). On a one-on-one, making eye contact without staring at and down at clients, remembering names without guessing, exhibiting knowledge of something I knew absolutely nothing about, (without giving myself away) and trying to patiently respond to questions without rolling my eyes, outrightly laughing and saying, “Abeg, leave me o, I no sabi!” or ripping the person apart.

To get all this in perspective you must first determine:

1. What you have been called to do?
2. Why do you do it the way that you do it?
3. How do you do it?
4. When is it OK to do or not to do it?
5. Must you do it at all?

For you, the HOW might have been clearly spelt out in the company’s (usually obsolete) handbook but WISDOM sets you apart.

Please Note: Professionalism is an ATTITUDE and more than just about getting the job done (except, of course, you’re a danfo driver)!!!

Ecclesiastes 10:10b

ALAS!!!

AT LAST…

Hey, good people! Thank you for stopping by (I knew you would)!

I’m so excited; I finally got around doing this. I knew I would because it’s one of the numerous things (others are catering and sewing. Remind me to get on with them...later!) I’d promised myself (and my generation) I would do before I passed on. (I’ve lived half my Biblical years and I don’t want to take chances!)

I won’t call myself a writer but I love learning, writing, teaching and sharing ideas (in no particular order). In one word, I love “gisting”.  Notice, I didn’t say “discussing”. So, for those of you who have heard me talk; just imagine us together chattering and actually lol…ing endlessly. And for the others, please sit back, have yourself a large dose of serious humour!

There are rules to this adventure:

1.      Keep your dictionary nearby: You'll be needing it!

2.      In the event of any typo, call me!

3.      Write in English; no short-hand.

4.      Read through 3 times and think before you use the “like” or “dislike” button.

5.      No swearing: The use of foul language is prohibited.

6.      Refer your friends to this page.

7.      When you wish to contribute by way of an article, leave me a note, text or call. 

             No plagiarism.

8.    If your criticism is not constructive, I’ll understand; you’re just being human!

Please Note:

1.    I will refer to God and my Bible, A LOT!

2.    Articles are real, topical, inferred and but not conclusive, and by no means exhaustive.

3.   While you pray for me to get my “tear rubber”, most experiences are from my personal danfo rides.

4.   I’m not Google or Wikipedia so my ideas and knowledge are very limited, with mistakes, so I’ll depend on you for “upgrading”!
5.  Feel free to "follow" and "subscribe for emails" for you can get publications directly in your box.

                           THANK YOU!!!

                                    

You are my inspiration!!!

HAVE YOU EVER WONDERED...

HOW YOU WOULD BE REMEMBERED!

(Matthew 25:15)

How I would love to bring a smile to your face every time you click on the link to this page and view its content, or even just the thought of clicking on the link. But you know, we’re dealing with real-life issues and real-life isn’t funny, we only choose to make it so.

Usually, when I write, what I want to achieve is something mind-blowing and earth-shattering (yes, in every piece!) but I have learned that what is important is achieving significance. Every word has to count, make sense and bring about a change, one way or the other, because I know I have invested  my time in a worthy cause that should achieve at least 2 out of these 3 things:

1.      Life-changing (Eternal) values

2.      Benefits to you, and invariably others,

3.      A deep sense of satisfaction to write, share and learn more.

Writing gives me “the high”, (somewhere in the range of also looking and smelling good!) and I believe we all have that one thing we do with our hands or minds that gives you so much pleasure that at the end of each day, you give yourself an emphatic nod and a round of applause, feeling like you’ve really done something. Now, that doesn’t mean you find it extremely EASY and fun to leave your bed and your TV and just get going. We all need that extra nudge and when you think what you stand to accomplish, financially, mentally and otherwise, it might just be enough to move you. People call it “finding your life’s purpose” and looking around you in book stand, you’ll find every nugget and tip under the sun showing you how to recognize and harness your potential for the world good.

This world is going to come to an end someday, so what’s the point, right? After all who’ll be left behind to remember you? I agree with you o, and I do think it too. But guess what would have happened if any of the apostles of old had fed on that thought. Can you also imagine what would have happened if our parents had just done their jobs of birthing us, and stopping it right there? While some of us can cry “foul” on our parents, mentors, guardians, counselors, pastors, friends etc most of them did as much as they knew how, and you should do same. There’s no competition; it’s about just giving what you have inside of you. It’s not to be stored away in some box. It is for posterity. Personally, I believe that if God didn’t have a purpose of me being here, I wouldn’t even have been born; talk more of being alive today. (Consider the ants; No insecticide can wipe them away simply because they have a purpose!) Therefore, o man, thou art without excuse; not your inept parents or your pervert guardian neither poverty nor witches (and wizards, talk for another day!) Maybe laziness would make the cut!

But anything you like do, you do have something to give and the world is waiting on you! You may feel what you have to offer is nothing new, but the fact that YOU DID IT makes it new and special. It may take you a long time to get moving (like me!) but it doesn’t have to take forever o, so make each moment count!